Giving it your all. Sadly enough, not with relationships, but with friendships. Loving them, buying them things, keeping them company, being a shoulder to cry on…and for what? To be third wheel. To be just another past memory. Pathetically enough, I have been on the computer for 3 hours and 12 minutes. Bored out of my mind on this lovely Friday night, and I look at my top friends on myspace. Out of the 1,305 friends…I have a top 10. Soon to be a top 9. This consists of Best friend 1, 2, 3, boyfriend, cousin, good friend, friend since 5th grade in germany, best friend 1’s boyfriend, friend who moved a while ago yet when we talk we are still close, and soon to be off old best friend who decided to bail on myself and best friend 1 for a chick that he just got into. Now, correct me if I’m wrong please, but this is pathetic. I sit here, looking at my top. Realizing just how scrawny and hopeless it is. For I have the good 3 best friends. Yet, I’m constantly losing someone. I want stability. I’m tired of losing people for no damn reason. It’s just shit. Life. This makes life shit. I give and give and give. Anddd. BOOM. Apocolypse. I’m sorry about this whole “venting” thing. But really, I know I’m not the only one thats been kicked to the curb, third wheel if you must call it that. But, I’m just tired of it. I love my friends. My top 8 are really like…close to me. My top 5 mean the world to me in general. I’d die for them. Maybe that’s my problem, maybe I’m so caught up on this “friendship” thing that I would give my life for theirs. Well, I think that’s how everyone is with people they love. I think I’m just bored and thought way to much into this process of like…not having very many good friends anymore. I used to have soooo many friends. So so many. But we’re all like…drifted…and like gone now. Everyone is like living their own life, in which I used to be apart of. Well, it sucks, its life, but really, honestly…they’re missing out. I grew into an amazing wonderful person. I have no intention of caring about what anyone thinks….what so ever about me…. i just kind of feel a sense of missing. Loss of happiness. To be happy, the ability to smile; a chance to make a memory last forever; an excuse to have an amazing life. Yeah, I am happy. But sometimes, I want the older things back. The older friends + the newer. Why can’t people just stay together. Why make someone you “care about and would never hurt” a third wheel. It’s just a shitty, pointless blog that I felt like typing, that I’m sure no one is going to read, but thats okay. I didn’t do it for anyone but myself. Opening my thoughts just a little more to the point to where I can physically read them. (: